We returned from our Easter weekend in Holland late last night, worn out and very glad to be home after what turned out to be a rather more involved return trip than we had originally imagined.
Tales of our weekend in the Netherlands will follow in coming posts, but first I feel I need to take care of a bit of business:
Though enjoyable, our short vacation was hampered by the fact that, once again, I was fighting a bug of some sort that kept me from getting more than a few hours sleep in any given night. As returning readers will already know, the “Colin gets sick” plot line is starting to stretch a bit thin – I’ve been battling illness a lot lately – and it would appear that the ol’ immune system just isn’t up to the task anymore.
So, much as it pains me to do it, I’ve decided to outsource the health-related managerial duties of my autoimmune system in an effort to find someone who is better suited to handle the day-to-day responsibilities of protecting me against disease, plague and pestilence.
Due to a recent reclassification of certain employee responsibilities, an exciting new opportunity has become available at Colin Richardson – a music, web-content and food waste provider in the central Cambridge area – for an eager and experienced health and defense managerial specialist.
You will develop and take ownership of the processes necessary to provide day-to-day defense against a wide variety of pathogens that can lead to bacterial and viral infections, while destroying cancer cells and potentially harmful foreign substances. You will also be responsible for the monitoring and reporting of the overall health of the company to streamline the efficiency of internal processes.
Ideally, you hold a graduate-level degree in Biomedical Sciences or Military Defense Strategy, or have four years equivalent work experience in a related field. As you will be responsible for both the innate and adaptive immunity of the company, a familiarity with the process of efficient antibody and t-cell manufacturing is essential. The ideal candidate will be a motivated self-starter, highly adaptive and a quick learner who is able to work to meet tight deadlines in a high-pressure environment. A familiarity with Sun Tzu’s The Art of War would be an asset, but is not required.
The successful candidate will enjoy a competitive salary, generous benefits package and full access to the company’s vast library of Monty Python sketches, random Star Wars trivia, and one-liners from those rubbish television programmes you’ve never bothered to watch. Note that, due to the nature of the role, monetary considerations will be paid in lieu of extended vacation periods.
To apply, please send a CV and brief cover letter to email@example.com.
Colin Richardson is an equal opportunity employer.